Well, this morning was the morning after the first night I've spent alone, in three weeks. And I survived!
It was really nice.. I went to bed later than I have been doing, slept really well, and woke up feeling.. dare I say it.. almost fresh, and relatively 'normal'.
I got up, made a cup of tea, and ate my breakfast, without anyone watching me, or asking if I was ok.
I've washed my dishes without anyone saying "You sit down, I'll do those!" (I'm not ungrateful.. far from it. I know how lucky I am, to have a family like mine.. it's just nice not to be watched like an invalid).
I leisurely checked my emails and forums, whilst having breakfast, without having to worry about getting ready to spend the day at someone elses house.
I spent the whole day in my own home, just pottering about, doing normal mundane things. And it's so nice to be able to do those normal mundane things.
You just can't appreciate how good it is, until you've been in the position of not being able to do them.
Tomorrow marks three weeks since the op.
This time three weeks ago, I was wishing I was dead. For the first time in my life, I truely didn't want to be here anymore. I just couldn't bear the thought of what was happening to me, anymore.
But I am still here, and now I want to be. I want to be able to live whatever life I have left, to the best of my ability.
I know it's often going to be hard. I know there are going to be some desperately dark days. But I also hope there will be some wonderfully happy days.