Sunday, 4 March 2007
Angels & Bolters
I've just come across this article, via a comment in Minervas Blog.
'Angels and Bolters' talks about how some people cope with cancer, and how some people don't.
The article is talking about friends and family, rather than the 'cancer patient' themselves.
Shortly before reading this article, I discovered that, when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005, a friend of mine made it his mission to find out all he could about the disease. In his words, he read about it until his head was spinning with information.
Yet the person I was supposed to be closest to, didn't seem to want to know anything about it. And preferred to pretend everything was ok and 'normal'.
The Preachers and the Clueless..
"Preachers are anxious to give you advice and information."
"The clueless make inane comments. There are an infinite variety of idiotic remarks."
I had someone telling me yesterday, that "positivity cures all".
Seriously, if that's what you really think, you're sadly deluded.
For the most part, I've stayed positive. It didn't stop the cancer coming back, did it? It certainly didn't cure it.
I know of people with incredibly positive attitudes, who have lost their life to this disease. Their positivity didn't cure them either!
I also know of people who have had an extremely negative view of the disease they've had, and come through it with flying colours!
So please, I know people who say these kind of things are only trying to help, but please don't tell me that positivity cures all. It doesn't. And by saying this, you're implying that it's my fault the cancer came back, because I wasn't 'positive' enough in the first place.
"They stay away because they are afraid of their own sadness or their own mortality."
I think we all know a few of those, don't we?
They run away, because they don't know how to cope with what's going on.
What makes you think I know how to cope with what's going on? It's all new to me too, you know!
"Angels know what to do, and they know what you need. They treat you like the person you always were. They know that despite the cancer you are still you."
And thank god for my angels!
I've realised they can be found in the most unexpected of places.
"For fellow travelers, your cancer journey is their journey."
My family and REAL friends are fellow travellers.
My dad, who comes along to every hospital appointment with me, always drives me there, and always hangs around for hours while I'm having chemo, to take me home again.
And of course, other people on their own breast cancer journey. I class them as fellow travellers too.
We share the map that helps to get us where we want to go. And give each other pointers, on the way.