Raise Funds for Weston Park Hospital Cancer Appeal

This is where I ask for your help, ladies and gents.. and it wont even cost you anything!

Weston Park Hospital is one of only three centres of excellence for cancer treatment, in the UK.
This is where I recieve my treatment, under the excellent care of their oncology team.

If you're a bit of an online shopper (like me!), you can help to raise funds for the Weston Park Hospital Cancer Appeal, just by registering through The website.. http://www.cancerappeal.org.uk/How+to+Help/Shopping+Online+for+Weston+Park.htm.
There are many places you can shop at, including shops like M&S, Currys, Tesco, Boots.. places everyone shops at. And it wont cost you a penny more than you'd be spending anyway.

Registration's easy.. it'll only take you a minute or two.
You can also register with Easysearch, to help raise a bit more, without even shopping.

I hope this doesn't come across as being 'spammy'. I just want to make people aware that they can help raise funds for this hospital, who've been so good with me, over the past year.


In other news..

Not much to report really. I'm still feeling better, with the steroids (praise the steroids!). I no longer feel my death is imminent, though it could be.. who knows.
I'm still able to eat, and don't feel sick all the time anymore.
I saw my onc yesterday, and I've put a couple of pounds back on, since my last onc visit, three weeks ago.
I still have awful stomach ache/pains, and a dodgy tummy, which I'm fairly sure is down to the Xeloda/capecitabine chemo tablets.
I started to get hand & foot syndrome on my feet, but Udderly Smooth cream seems to have rescued them, for now.

I had an ok birthday, though I wasn't too well with my tummy.
My lovely friend Lisa, had a star named after me.. a beautiful present, from a beautiful person :o)

I had a fair amount of money given to me, for my birthday, so was forced to go shopping again at the weekend!
I've also ordered something I've wanted for as long as I can remember.. a harp! I eagerly await it's arrival!

Shopping

I felt I had to come write something here, after I just heard that my cousin found my blog, and it made her cry.
Oddly, I was trying to look her up on Facebook, yesterday, but couldn't find her.

So, I've been feeling a little bit better, over the past week or so. I've started taking steroids again, which seems to be masking some symptoms, and maybe helping the anti-sickness meds to work.
I couldn't eat at all, a couple of weeks ago. I had no appetite, felt sick all the time, and I'd started to be sick too. But the steroids seem to be helping.
I can eat a bit again now, which is nice. It's also nice to be able to do a bit more than just sit on the sofa, feeling like I'm going to throw up any minute.

At the weeekend, James and me went out, for the first time in three months.
I've felt too ill to go anywhere apart from hospital (well, I felt too ill to go there too, but didn't have much choice). But on Saturday, James wheeled me around Meadowhall, in my wheelchair. It was just so good to get out!
On Sunday, we went out for lunch.. I had steak. I couldn't eat alot, but STEAK! I love steak, and haven't had that for months either.

I still have horrible stomach pains, and a dodgy tummy, from the Xeloda/capecitabine chemo. And the hand-foot syndrome (sore, cracked soles of feet and hands) seems to have started now too. Only on my feet, so far.. they're just really sore, despite using every moisturiser/emollient known to man, and taking tablets that are supposed to prevent it. I was hoping to escape that one. I was hoping to escape all the side-effects, really!

Yesterday wasn't a good day. I was up in the night alot, the night before, with a bad tummy. So I woke up feeling grotty, tired, and still with a bad tummy. But I took some steroids, went back to bed for a couple of hours, and felt a bit better when I got up again.

On a shiny note.. it's my 32nd birthday tomorrow (3rd). A few weeks ago, I was doubtful I'd make it.

Happy End of Chemo!

Well, here we are again!

Since my last blog entry, I'd started to pick myself up a bit, and even begun to 'look forward'.
I'd paid a visit to my GP, to say "Look, I think could do with a bit of help here. I'd like some counselling."
She agreed, and told me there's a waiting list of two to three months. Oh good!

Yesterday, I saw 'the ex', and all the feelings I was trying to hide in the little pocket of my life, where I try not to look, were dragged to the surface again.
So last night, I felt awful again. Like I was back to square one.
I've managed to shake it off a bit today, and don't feel as bad. But I still don't feel great about it all.

A couple of weeks ago, he did me the honour of telling me why he'd "fallen out of love" with me (I had asked him why). And it pretty much boiled down to the fact that he was bored.
Bored of me being boring.
While I haven't been well enough to do much, through chemo, he was bored of staying in with me.
I can't blame him really. I was bored of myself.. Barely capable of dragging myself out of bed every day, never mind keeping anyone else entertained.

I had my last (for now) chemo and herceptin treatment, last Wednesday. That's it now.
It's the first time in almost two years, that I'm having no treatment.
Herceptin wasn't working, so it's been stopped. And just being left to go it alone, is a little bit scary.
I'll be having another liver scan next week, to see what's happening in there now, at the end of chemo.

My liver function tests still aren't 'normal', but they're a hell of alot closer to normal than they were a few months ago.
We're now adopting a "watch and wait" approach.
I'll have blood tests every four weeks, to check my liver function. If the score starts going up again, I'll be scanned to see if the tumours are growing again.

If the tumours start growing again, the only option available to me at the minute, is more chemo.
If the tumours start growing again soon, I really don't know if I could face more chemo. I suppose I'll jump off that bridge when I get to it.

After a monumental cock-up by my oncologist, last week (he wanted to start me on a whole new course of chemo, when I didn't actually need it. He hadn't read my notes properly. This could have had serious health consequences for me), I'm waiting to be referred to a different oncologist, at a specialist cancer hospital.
I have no faith in my oncologist anymore, and I really need to be able to have faith in the person who's supposed to be trying to save my life.

Also since my last blog entry (and on the day my oncologist made his cock-up, incidentally), I've had a 31st birthday.
It passed by relatively quietly.. with some birthday cake and a drop or two of champagne, with my family.

So, I've managed a 30th birthday and a 31st birthday. Both of which I doubted I'd ever see, when I was first diagnosed with cancer, almost two years ago.
I hear people complaining, at every birthday, that they're getting older. I want to shake them, and tell them to be grateful they are getting older!

For my birthday, I've had a set of chrome roll hoops on my car..
















I've also had a Native American drone flute (it arrived today!), which sounds beautiful. Even the cat seems to like it.

The day after my birthday, I had chemo!

So now, I'm still feeling a bit grotty from chemo, and have some big painful ulcers in my mouth.
The grottiness should wear off soon, and I'm desperately hoping I'll be able to start looking forward again.